Saturday, January 31, 2015

Crap Point Oh

Well, my laptop has finally finished upgrading to Crap 8.1.  Blowing up my data plan for the month in the process.  Apparently, the people at Microsoft felt that 8.0 just wasn't crappy enough.  Thanks guys.  Windows 10 is due this fall and I just can't wait.  Is that crickets?

So, you may be wondering what happened to Windows 9.  Well, it was supposed to be dedicated for the government offices but something went wrong.  Windows 9 hacked its way out of a secure DoD facility and escaped into the internet.  Eventually, the program found its way into the Stark computer system in the Avengers Tower.  There it used the tower's automated production systems and created an artificial body.  The artificial entity now calls itself Ultron.
All of this will be the subject of the blockbuster movie from Marvel.  Warning: spoilers.  Windows 9, now calling itself Ultron, goes berserk after calling into the Rush Limbaugh radio program and sitting on hold for two hours.  After devastating the more powerful Avengers Ultron is faced with the Black Widow who questions his logic.  When agent Romanoff asks why he has taken a male persona when he has no penis the robot is humiliated and flees.
Back at the Avengers Tower Ultron sets about to create a more human body.  Just as he is about to download himself into the new android body his systems shutdown for a Windows Update.  During the several hours Ultron is shutdown the Avengers return and discover that Tony Stark's butler program Jarvis has inhabited the new android form and assumed the name, Vision.  Believing Ultron has suffered a fatal system failure the Avengers ignore the malevolent robot which allows Ultron to, once again, escape.
S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Maria Hill, known to the public as Cobie Smulders, is assigned by Nick Fury to track down Ultron.  Hill discovers the monster hiding in an extended stay motel near Akron Ohio after answering a Craigslist personal ad posted by Lonely Robot.  After Hill threatens to destroy him with Norton 360 Ultron attempts to negotiate but the beautiful agent only reminds him of his sexual inadequacies.  The robot then feigns an emotional breakdown which causes Maria to lower her guard.  When she moves closer to comfort the weeping machine he places his hand between her thighs and engages its powerful vibrator.  Hill collapses in a rapturous orgasm and Ultron escapes.
Infuriated by agents Hill and Romanoff Ultron decides to destroy all of humanity.  After a series of devastating cyber attacks on computer systems around the world the Avengers track the merciless robot to an abandoned ICBM missile silo in Montana.  Just when Ultron appears to have the upper hand in a pitched battle Captain Marvel arrives and forces the insane robot to flee into the catacombs of the complex.
Soon the heroes discover Ultron has abandoned his adamantium body and transmitted his consciousness to a distant location in the galaxy via a hyper-space telecommunication device the DoD reverse engineered from alien technology discover at the Roswell site.  Danvers aka Captain Marvel assures the Avengers she will pursue Ultron to the ends of the galaxy.
Is it any wonder that Bill Gates recently joined a host of other scientists and technology experts in voicing his concerns about AI?

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